My last blog post was re-shaped because of the devastating earthquake in Haiti. I didn't think I should write about a book called The Happiness Project in the face of such terrible suffering. So I was getting all geared up to write about it last week, and then BOOM, earthquake in Chile. So I give up. It's the season of Lent. A time for reflection and for some people a time of depriving oneself in order to draw more deeply into a life of faith and apparently it's a season for terrible natural disasters so I give up. I'm going to write about the book The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. If I wait for there to be no terrible news in the world...well...you know the rest of that sentence!
Since it is the season of Lent, and a GREAT time for confession, let me start by saying I have no where near studied this book! For that matter I haven't even finished it. There is no way I could pass a test over this book. Gulp. O wait, I don't have to take a test over this book. Whew! I have, however, strolled around in it. I am so intrigued by this young woman's early statement, "the days are long, but the years are short", that I find myself reading the book in little bites, thinking on those bites, and then laying the book down (alongside the dozens of other books and magazines by my bed! A pile created in part by a touch of ADD and a bigger touch of TSTR---too sleepy to read).
In Ms. Rubin's year long quest to find what would bring her lasting and sustainable happiness she reads, writes, complains, talks, and keeps journals. There is science behind happiness in some cases. I skipped over the science and philosophy part! And there is good ol' AA (alcoholics anonymous) kind of philosophy, "fake it til you make it' although she calls that "Act the way I want to feel".
In the August portion of her book she tries keeping a gratitude journal. I too have tried to keep such a thing and am some years more successful at that than others. A gratitude journal is VERY Oprah! And I do love Oprah, but like this author I too found that sometimes a daily entry felt contrived and burdensome. Rubin states that sometimes she felt just plain ol' annoyed by the task. She discovered a way to make a conscious mental shift that did not always include writing down that for which she was grateful. She learned to state either out loud or in her head, "I feel grateful for...." She finished the sentence with whatever task she was doing at the time that did not start out originally as a thing for which she was grateful. "I feel grateful that I am awake at 4am and not able to go back to sleep" (I hate when I have nights like that, but I will try this idea now.) So instead of tossing and turning, she made that statement (quietly), went to another room in the house, lit a candle and sat in the quiet (what some might then call contemplative prayer). And, as Rubin states, "a complaint turned into thankfulness."
Eureka! Something so simple but so profound. Inspired not just by this book, but by other books and teachers I have had over the years I am working to develop a way of moving through the world that has at its heart, gratitude. I do sometimes write down what I am grateful for, but I, like Gretchen Rubin, tend to feel constrained by that if I do it every day. I had a terrific priest friend who early in my career advised me to end each day writing a thank you note to someone in the parish. I must confess (again, it's Lent) that I don't do that. But I do write a fair number of thank you notes, and it is a powerful way to end the day.
There's an interesting balance to be struck I suppose between re-framing a situation and just being in complete denial! Rubin probably talks about that in a part of the book I haven't read! While I am not literally grateful for the traffic I will face on my way home today I am indeed so grateful to have a car, be able to afford gasoline, have a job and home to travel between, and have great music to listen to while I'm stuck behind people who CANNOT DRIVE..O..wait...that's a post for another day.
Just as forgiveness does not mean there are no consequences and no restitution to be made, gratitude does not mean there's nothing bad in a situation. Gratitude is not a synonym for denial! I can cry and mourn my sweet friend's death, wish that he had not been felled by disease, and be really grateful that I knew him at all, and be reminded yet again that life is short and I need to treasure every opportunity to be with people I love. Like almost everything, gratitude is yet another one of those "both and" situations. It is so sad to bury a friend and it is so great to have had the friend. It is so frustrating to be in traffic and it is so great to be alive and in traffic.
The world will have news every second of every day...news of suffering and earthquakes and war, and I am so grateful to be here. Blessings on your journey in and out of Lent! Rhoda
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Getting that September 10th feeling again
In the summer of 2001 my sweet boyfriend proposed marriage to me; I said yes. He has now been my sweet husband since April of 2002. Seriously. It's like being married to the Sesame Street character Elmo. He is sweet and funny and cheerful all the time. And yes, sometimes that is irritating. I am extremely fortunate.
One day a few weeks after he proposed I went wedding dress shopping. I was 39, must trimmer than I am now. It had been a long time since I was a size 8, but I was around a size 12 then. I went into one dress shop and the tiny under 30 sales clerk, said to me, while I was getting undressed...."wow. I'm not sure we've ever had anyone your size in here." Wow indeed. I left. Without a dress and without a lot of self esteem. I had bounced back from the initial clerk who had asked quite incredulously, "you are looking for a wedding dress....like...for YOU? Not your daughter?" But this was now more than I could bear. I went back to my small apartment, phoned my fiance and informed him that I was too fat and old for him to marry, and thus, we would have to break up. He, being very much in love with me, and a Texan, said he felt like getting his gun. (OK that part is not much like Elmo.) He refrained, but his offer did sort of warm my fat little heart for a moment.
The next day I picked myself up off the couch, quit crying, started to laugh about the whole then, went to work, and the world changed forever. The next day was September 11th, 2001. Suddenly my dress woes and chubby belly woes seemed ridiculously small and insignificant. Suddenly like the rest of the world I was glued to the television news and overwhelmed with tears for days on end.
The news from Haiti, reminds me of that time. It is, of course, markedly different. Acts of nature and acts of deliberate evil are incomparable. The devastation and its aftermath are something similar, however. There is the tremendous loss of life and complete disorientation, and the coming together...even for a moment of the world community when terror strikes...whatever its source.
I was going to do a cheery little post last week about the new year. I am intrigued by a new book called "The Happiness Project", and I was going to write about that. Then the earthquake hit and all of those thoughts were discarded as so much fluff and blather. It's one of those times where everything else seems so insignificant.
Life in Haiti has been unspeakably hard long before the earthquake. And now. Now. I cannot even begin to imagine. And added to all of that horror has come a major aftershock and more suffering. The words of one of the great Psalms of lament springs to mind, "My God My God why have you forsaken me?" (Psalm 22). Surely words like that must be on the lips of those who struggle in such a place.
I have found myself over the years with the words of that Psalm on my lips with far less provocation.
We wait and pray and hope and lament. And I suppose that's about all most of us can do. A few are called and able to go and be hands and feet in a place so desperate for help. But for most of us we are here and it will be all that we can do to pray and send whatever money we can send. (My suggestion is Episcopal Relief and Development: http://www.er-d.org/
But of course there are dozens of great organizations accepting donations for relief in Haiti. (Be careful there are always scam artists at work!)
I would NEVER want to use the language of "good" casually in a situation like this. I would say there is something powerful that happens that brings the plight of a people to the world's attention. I do not mean in any way to suggest that such attention is the "good" that comes out of an earthquake! Though there have been some in the news who say such things. It reminds me that it's often the people with healthy children who tell grieving parents they can have other babies or people with money who say money can't buy happiness. So I don't want to say anything from my safe beautiful office like that! I will say that for me it takes this kind of shocking news to remind me, o yes, people in Haiti suffer. It takes this news to open my wallet.
I forget about Episcopal Relief and Development on "regular" days. I forget about the portions of the world where people live on less than a dollar a day. and where children starve...all the time...not only in the aftermath of a disaster. I don't know how to manage those facts differently. None of us can spend all day and night absorbed in the news. None of us can spend every moment reading about the plight of all those in the world who suffer. And if I give away every penny I have all I manage to do is join the ranks of the world's poor.
So somewhere in all of that I have to learn how to be aware, open, generous, and concerned and still live my life, find joy in daily things, love my little Elmo husband, and trust that God hears prayers even when it feels like there has been complete abandonment.
I have to keep reading Psalm 22...feel those first verses, feel that despair, acknowledge that despair, not rush through, but keep reading...until I can get to the closing verses, "My soul shall live for him (God); my descendants shall serve him (God); they shall be known as the Lord's for ever. They shall come and make known to a people yet unborn the saving deeds that he has done."
Thanks be to God. Rhoda
One day a few weeks after he proposed I went wedding dress shopping. I was 39, must trimmer than I am now. It had been a long time since I was a size 8, but I was around a size 12 then. I went into one dress shop and the tiny under 30 sales clerk, said to me, while I was getting undressed...."wow. I'm not sure we've ever had anyone your size in here." Wow indeed. I left. Without a dress and without a lot of self esteem. I had bounced back from the initial clerk who had asked quite incredulously, "you are looking for a wedding dress....like...for YOU? Not your daughter?" But this was now more than I could bear. I went back to my small apartment, phoned my fiance and informed him that I was too fat and old for him to marry, and thus, we would have to break up. He, being very much in love with me, and a Texan, said he felt like getting his gun. (OK that part is not much like Elmo.) He refrained, but his offer did sort of warm my fat little heart for a moment.
The next day I picked myself up off the couch, quit crying, started to laugh about the whole then, went to work, and the world changed forever. The next day was September 11th, 2001. Suddenly my dress woes and chubby belly woes seemed ridiculously small and insignificant. Suddenly like the rest of the world I was glued to the television news and overwhelmed with tears for days on end.
The news from Haiti, reminds me of that time. It is, of course, markedly different. Acts of nature and acts of deliberate evil are incomparable. The devastation and its aftermath are something similar, however. There is the tremendous loss of life and complete disorientation, and the coming together...even for a moment of the world community when terror strikes...whatever its source.
I was going to do a cheery little post last week about the new year. I am intrigued by a new book called "The Happiness Project", and I was going to write about that. Then the earthquake hit and all of those thoughts were discarded as so much fluff and blather. It's one of those times where everything else seems so insignificant.
Life in Haiti has been unspeakably hard long before the earthquake. And now. Now. I cannot even begin to imagine. And added to all of that horror has come a major aftershock and more suffering. The words of one of the great Psalms of lament springs to mind, "My God My God why have you forsaken me?" (Psalm 22). Surely words like that must be on the lips of those who struggle in such a place.
I have found myself over the years with the words of that Psalm on my lips with far less provocation.
We wait and pray and hope and lament. And I suppose that's about all most of us can do. A few are called and able to go and be hands and feet in a place so desperate for help. But for most of us we are here and it will be all that we can do to pray and send whatever money we can send. (My suggestion is Episcopal Relief and Development: http://www.er-d.org/
But of course there are dozens of great organizations accepting donations for relief in Haiti. (Be careful there are always scam artists at work!)
I would NEVER want to use the language of "good" casually in a situation like this. I would say there is something powerful that happens that brings the plight of a people to the world's attention. I do not mean in any way to suggest that such attention is the "good" that comes out of an earthquake! Though there have been some in the news who say such things. It reminds me that it's often the people with healthy children who tell grieving parents they can have other babies or people with money who say money can't buy happiness. So I don't want to say anything from my safe beautiful office like that! I will say that for me it takes this kind of shocking news to remind me, o yes, people in Haiti suffer. It takes this news to open my wallet.
I forget about Episcopal Relief and Development on "regular" days. I forget about the portions of the world where people live on less than a dollar a day. and where children starve...all the time...not only in the aftermath of a disaster. I don't know how to manage those facts differently. None of us can spend all day and night absorbed in the news. None of us can spend every moment reading about the plight of all those in the world who suffer. And if I give away every penny I have all I manage to do is join the ranks of the world's poor.
So somewhere in all of that I have to learn how to be aware, open, generous, and concerned and still live my life, find joy in daily things, love my little Elmo husband, and trust that God hears prayers even when it feels like there has been complete abandonment.
I have to keep reading Psalm 22...feel those first verses, feel that despair, acknowledge that despair, not rush through, but keep reading...until I can get to the closing verses, "My soul shall live for him (God); my descendants shall serve him (God); they shall be known as the Lord's for ever. They shall come and make known to a people yet unborn the saving deeds that he has done."
Thanks be to God. Rhoda
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Pumpkins, Wreaths, and Valentines
Our backdoor neighbor has a lot going on at her house. She has 2 darling (and by darling a I mean loud) children, who really are fun (and noisy). She has a mom who has been battling cancer and this week, the week of Thanksgiving, she has gorgeous wreaths up on all of her windows and a yard full of pumpkins. It's a sight that I think is indicative of our lives as busy Americans, but maybe it's a sign of our lives of faith too.
I joked in a sermon recently that it was "that time of year"...time to get your Valentines ordered. I was kidding...mostly. But these last few weeks of the year are always such a funny mix of holidays and icons and SUCH a rush. Seriously we had a hard time this week, the week of Thanksgiving, finding some replacement lights for our Christmas tree...which we aren't even planning on putting up until well into December. If we were very faithful liturgical people...we really wouldn't even put that tree up until Christmas Eve since the time before that is actually Advent and not Christmas. But I digress. A lady at a big home store bit my sweet husband's head off as I reached to get one box of lights. Apparently she had been "all over town" looking for lights and she wasn't about to let this box get away from her. Nothing says Welcome Baby Jesus like yelling at strangers. Again, another digression. Sorry!
Looking at my neighbor's yard which holds symbols of the month of November and December in a kind of mixed up tension that is both jarring and oddly beautiful I reflected on the mixed up tension that we live in all the time. We are at once people of hope and people of sorrow. People who must think about our futures, how to pay for medicine, how to care for aging parents, how to keep roofs over our heads and people who right this minute have a lot to be thankful for. We live in that world where you have to plan ahead whether it's Christmas lights, vacation deposits for next summer, or long term care, and yet as people of faith we get reminded that Jesus says not to worry about one thing.
Sometimes I think the most faithful, most counter-cultural, most shocking thing we can do is be people who are grateful for what is right in front of us. The world says, "look over there", "uh oh, the stores are running out", "there won't be enough" and our faith tells us to breathe, to trust, to find joy in what's right in front of us. And Lord have mercy if that isn't hard!
How do we move in the world in practical, tangible ways and move in the world faithfully...grateful for what's happening in this moment, trusting that we are right where we need to be, and yet keenly aware of the important preparations we must undertake to care for ourselves, and our families?
Here's the answer. OK, just kidding. If I had the complete answer to that I would be taking over the Oprah show. I do think that it is possible to be people who straddle the present and the future. People who save for retirement but not at the expense of caring for others right now or not at the expense of the laughter and joy to be had right now.
My neighbor friend, and everyone watching a loved one who is ill, knows this straddle only too well. There is much we can learn from her. When you accompany someone on a difficult health journey you learn to be so grateful for every minute you spend with her (or him). And of course we know that is true about everyone in our lives, but it's so easy to forget that. It's so easy to get caught up in the plans and challenges and hunting for stuff we're going to need next month that we forget just to study the face of the person we're accompanying to that big box store.
But when someone is ill, we get a sharp reminder not to take any moment for granted. Each conversation, each shared meal, each picture takes on a whole new significance that we can lose in the crush of getting things done. I certainly do NOT want to romanticize illness! My neighbor would much prefer that her mom was well. I would prefer that my sweet friend with brain cancer be 100 percent healthy even if that meant that we got so busy we lost touch again.
I think we're always in the midst of straddling the present and the future and that certain circumstances simply bring that into sharper focus. I wonder if we (and by we I mean I!) can learn how to hold the present and future in some delicate tension that becomes a thing to cherish rather than a thing to battle? I wonder if I can practice my faith in such a way that I can see gratitude for the moment and preparation for the future as twin gifts from a Loving God? Reminding myself that God is God in this present instant, next week, and 20 years from now? For the eternal God there is no time, really. It all just is, and for mysterious, wonderful reasons, God has invited all of us into the dance!
Happy ThanksMasTine's Day! Rhoda
I joked in a sermon recently that it was "that time of year"...time to get your Valentines ordered. I was kidding...mostly. But these last few weeks of the year are always such a funny mix of holidays and icons and SUCH a rush. Seriously we had a hard time this week, the week of Thanksgiving, finding some replacement lights for our Christmas tree...which we aren't even planning on putting up until well into December. If we were very faithful liturgical people...we really wouldn't even put that tree up until Christmas Eve since the time before that is actually Advent and not Christmas. But I digress. A lady at a big home store bit my sweet husband's head off as I reached to get one box of lights. Apparently she had been "all over town" looking for lights and she wasn't about to let this box get away from her. Nothing says Welcome Baby Jesus like yelling at strangers. Again, another digression. Sorry!
Looking at my neighbor's yard which holds symbols of the month of November and December in a kind of mixed up tension that is both jarring and oddly beautiful I reflected on the mixed up tension that we live in all the time. We are at once people of hope and people of sorrow. People who must think about our futures, how to pay for medicine, how to care for aging parents, how to keep roofs over our heads and people who right this minute have a lot to be thankful for. We live in that world where you have to plan ahead whether it's Christmas lights, vacation deposits for next summer, or long term care, and yet as people of faith we get reminded that Jesus says not to worry about one thing.
Sometimes I think the most faithful, most counter-cultural, most shocking thing we can do is be people who are grateful for what is right in front of us. The world says, "look over there", "uh oh, the stores are running out", "there won't be enough" and our faith tells us to breathe, to trust, to find joy in what's right in front of us. And Lord have mercy if that isn't hard!
How do we move in the world in practical, tangible ways and move in the world faithfully...grateful for what's happening in this moment, trusting that we are right where we need to be, and yet keenly aware of the important preparations we must undertake to care for ourselves, and our families?
Here's the answer. OK, just kidding. If I had the complete answer to that I would be taking over the Oprah show. I do think that it is possible to be people who straddle the present and the future. People who save for retirement but not at the expense of caring for others right now or not at the expense of the laughter and joy to be had right now.
My neighbor friend, and everyone watching a loved one who is ill, knows this straddle only too well. There is much we can learn from her. When you accompany someone on a difficult health journey you learn to be so grateful for every minute you spend with her (or him). And of course we know that is true about everyone in our lives, but it's so easy to forget that. It's so easy to get caught up in the plans and challenges and hunting for stuff we're going to need next month that we forget just to study the face of the person we're accompanying to that big box store.
But when someone is ill, we get a sharp reminder not to take any moment for granted. Each conversation, each shared meal, each picture takes on a whole new significance that we can lose in the crush of getting things done. I certainly do NOT want to romanticize illness! My neighbor would much prefer that her mom was well. I would prefer that my sweet friend with brain cancer be 100 percent healthy even if that meant that we got so busy we lost touch again.
I think we're always in the midst of straddling the present and the future and that certain circumstances simply bring that into sharper focus. I wonder if we (and by we I mean I!) can learn how to hold the present and future in some delicate tension that becomes a thing to cherish rather than a thing to battle? I wonder if I can practice my faith in such a way that I can see gratitude for the moment and preparation for the future as twin gifts from a Loving God? Reminding myself that God is God in this present instant, next week, and 20 years from now? For the eternal God there is no time, really. It all just is, and for mysterious, wonderful reasons, God has invited all of us into the dance!
Happy ThanksMasTine's Day! Rhoda
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
With my apologies to R. Kelly and the cast of Cabaret
My Sunday morning adult education class is studying the topic of money. Those of you who know me well should be laughing hysterically now. But it's a money and faith class NOT a personal finance class. Whew! In fact, the book we are using as a launching pad for our discussion is entitled, Money and Faith: The Search for Enough. When I read through this book I always have that "Money makes the world go around song" in my head. Not the R. Kelly one, though now it's stuck in there too, but that song performed by Joel Gray and Liza Minnelli in Cabaret.
The search for who wrote that song so I could attribute it to them in this blog led me through the exciting world of hip-hop lyrics. Apparently R. Kelly's song is "higher"on the Internet search engines than 1960's musicals (what? you're kidding!) Anyway, his lyrics...at least the ones I can post in a nice blog written by a middle aged Episcopal priest, follow along (roughly) the same lines as the older ones. V-12s (big cars), honeys on the cell (you can probably figure this out, but lots of special lady friends, eh em), etc. The new hip hop lyrics and the lyrics from 40 years ago are of the same ilk: money, more than anything else makes the world go around. Of course the church works hard to hold up a different view even as the church, herself, (itself, whatever) needs money.
In the Money and Faith book (edited by Michael Schut, by the way) there is a section by David Boyle that reads, "When you stash money in the bank, they must keep around 8% of that loan on deposit in case there's a run on the bank--but all the rest is lent out again, many times over. In other words, most of our mortgages and bank loans are created, as if by magic (!!...exclamation points mine), by a stroke of the pen." "Money can be something that can be accidentally deleted by your bank just because someone sits on the keyboard..." (45-46).
Pulitzer Prize winning columnist Dave Barry also writes an essay for this book, and it is, as you would imagine, hilarious. He writes, "We have the Tinker Bell monetary system...we see everybody else running around after these pieces of paper, and we figure, 'hey, these pieces of paper must be valuable [because we believe and clap]" (44).
You know I have no business commenting on international banking...for heaven's sake...I still write checks! (though I do some online banking) But I hardly ever let that lack of competency stop me from commenting on things. It is fascinating to me how fragile all of this is and as we are all seeing, the economic house of cards does indeed crash with a loud thud. And actually I guess I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often!
So, I'm asking you, what I asked my class. We have all entered into this arrangement, this agreement. I choose to believe that the paper I'm given every two weeks is worth something to the Visa card people to whom I hand it over. And I have to believe that when I type click on a few areas of my keyboard..poof...we have money in our savings account...that we could really really go and get and put into our hands if we wanted to some day. And I, like all of you, operate in that system. I choose to believe it's "real". And I lie awake some nights when I fear that I didn't actually send that check to Visa, and I worry sometimes that I didn't transfer enough into our savings, and what if Rob and I have to eat cat food when we're 80 and what if we have to make choices between a mortgage payment someday and my insanely expensive asthma medicine, and on and on and money makes the world go around..and help!
So what if I could also get as caught up in believing that I am a living member of the body of Christ? What if I could believe as strongly that the small wafer of bread and swallow of wine that I receive every Sunday really is the Body and by ingesting it I become part of that Body and carry it with me wherever I go? I'm not trying to get into a whole discussion about the "Real Presence" or transubstantiation or all that jazz of Eucharistic theology (some of you just hyperventilated when I used such a careless word as jazz right next to Eucharistic theology. No disrespect intended).
I'm just questioning why it is so darn easy for me to get caught up in money fears and caught up in systems that I completely do not understand and yet allow them to interrupt my sleep. At the same time I take somewhat for granted the power of relationship with God, the power of Holy Communion. I never lie awake and think "DANG! I get to be in relationship with God! Are you kidding me? That is so cool! I must wake up Rob and share this exciting news!"
I'm not advocating abdicating! How's that for catchy? I can't abdicate my responsibility to pay my bills, pay my taxes, get advice about how much we need to be saving to live in the future. But I'm trying...slowly...to practice getting as energized by the belief that God is present, God is real, God is known in myriad ways including in that bit of cheap wine and bread as I do agitated by the belief that I don't have enough money, that the money is running out, that I'm in fragile financial circumstances.
I don't mean this as any cheap rehash of "prosperity Gospel" that sells books and gets you on TV. God is not the big ATM in the sky..pray just the right way and you press the right buttons and out pops a $20. Faithful people live in poverty. I don't think that if I just pray hard enough or love the bread and wine more then magically my Visa card debt goes away. I do think that it's a short list of things that should keep awake a member of the Body of Christ. And I'm going to try hard to remind myself that my true identity has nothing to do with my bank account.
Money does make the world go around I suppose. But it doesn't have to define us, energize us, or control us. Money did not vanquish death, God did that. Peace to you on this (hot) October day! Rhoda
PS Fred Ebb and John Kander wrote the music and lyrics to Cabaret..you probably knew that!
The search for who wrote that song so I could attribute it to them in this blog led me through the exciting world of hip-hop lyrics. Apparently R. Kelly's song is "higher"on the Internet search engines than 1960's musicals (what? you're kidding!) Anyway, his lyrics...at least the ones I can post in a nice blog written by a middle aged Episcopal priest, follow along (roughly) the same lines as the older ones. V-12s (big cars), honeys on the cell (you can probably figure this out, but lots of special lady friends, eh em), etc. The new hip hop lyrics and the lyrics from 40 years ago are of the same ilk: money, more than anything else makes the world go around. Of course the church works hard to hold up a different view even as the church, herself, (itself, whatever) needs money.
In the Money and Faith book (edited by Michael Schut, by the way) there is a section by David Boyle that reads, "When you stash money in the bank, they must keep around 8% of that loan on deposit in case there's a run on the bank--but all the rest is lent out again, many times over. In other words, most of our mortgages and bank loans are created, as if by magic (!!...exclamation points mine), by a stroke of the pen." "Money can be something that can be accidentally deleted by your bank just because someone sits on the keyboard..." (45-46).
Pulitzer Prize winning columnist Dave Barry also writes an essay for this book, and it is, as you would imagine, hilarious. He writes, "We have the Tinker Bell monetary system...we see everybody else running around after these pieces of paper, and we figure, 'hey, these pieces of paper must be valuable [because we believe and clap]" (44).
You know I have no business commenting on international banking...for heaven's sake...I still write checks! (though I do some online banking) But I hardly ever let that lack of competency stop me from commenting on things. It is fascinating to me how fragile all of this is and as we are all seeing, the economic house of cards does indeed crash with a loud thud. And actually I guess I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often!
So, I'm asking you, what I asked my class. We have all entered into this arrangement, this agreement. I choose to believe that the paper I'm given every two weeks is worth something to the Visa card people to whom I hand it over. And I have to believe that when I type click on a few areas of my keyboard..poof...we have money in our savings account...that we could really really go and get and put into our hands if we wanted to some day. And I, like all of you, operate in that system. I choose to believe it's "real". And I lie awake some nights when I fear that I didn't actually send that check to Visa, and I worry sometimes that I didn't transfer enough into our savings, and what if Rob and I have to eat cat food when we're 80 and what if we have to make choices between a mortgage payment someday and my insanely expensive asthma medicine, and on and on and money makes the world go around..and help!
So what if I could also get as caught up in believing that I am a living member of the body of Christ? What if I could believe as strongly that the small wafer of bread and swallow of wine that I receive every Sunday really is the Body and by ingesting it I become part of that Body and carry it with me wherever I go? I'm not trying to get into a whole discussion about the "Real Presence" or transubstantiation or all that jazz of Eucharistic theology (some of you just hyperventilated when I used such a careless word as jazz right next to Eucharistic theology. No disrespect intended).
I'm just questioning why it is so darn easy for me to get caught up in money fears and caught up in systems that I completely do not understand and yet allow them to interrupt my sleep. At the same time I take somewhat for granted the power of relationship with God, the power of Holy Communion. I never lie awake and think "DANG! I get to be in relationship with God! Are you kidding me? That is so cool! I must wake up Rob and share this exciting news!"
I'm not advocating abdicating! How's that for catchy? I can't abdicate my responsibility to pay my bills, pay my taxes, get advice about how much we need to be saving to live in the future. But I'm trying...slowly...to practice getting as energized by the belief that God is present, God is real, God is known in myriad ways including in that bit of cheap wine and bread as I do agitated by the belief that I don't have enough money, that the money is running out, that I'm in fragile financial circumstances.
I don't mean this as any cheap rehash of "prosperity Gospel" that sells books and gets you on TV. God is not the big ATM in the sky..pray just the right way and you press the right buttons and out pops a $20. Faithful people live in poverty. I don't think that if I just pray hard enough or love the bread and wine more then magically my Visa card debt goes away. I do think that it's a short list of things that should keep awake a member of the Body of Christ. And I'm going to try hard to remind myself that my true identity has nothing to do with my bank account.
Money does make the world go around I suppose. But it doesn't have to define us, energize us, or control us. Money did not vanquish death, God did that. Peace to you on this (hot) October day! Rhoda
PS Fred Ebb and John Kander wrote the music and lyrics to Cabaret..you probably knew that!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Speed bumps
School's back, and I love it. Mostly because I don't have to go! Nor do I have to get small people up the morning, get them dressed, and sit up with them doing homework. So it's easy for me in my sassy little childless state to romanticize the start of a new school year. I live really near an elementary school. One day I saw these 2 young boys riding his bike down our street. I was driving behind them (carefully of course!) and noticed that one of the kids maneuvered his bike carefully in the narrow flat space between the raised parts of the speed bumps. The other little boy aimed his bike straight at the speed bump and joyfully bounced over it. I got tickled and thought that was a great metaphor! (I'm a liberal arts kid....we see metaphors all the freakin' time.)
There have been many times that I've steered my bike carefully...too carefully perhaps to avoid the speed bumps. And I wonder what I've missed by doing that. Maybe I've missed a lot of heartache. Sometimes it's silly to aim your little bike right at some hurdle. But maybe I've missed some joy, some opportunity for growth some adventure.
Once in a while though I have aimed my little "bike" right at the speed bump full on, bounce! And ouch! But usually I can look back and say, "man that was worth the ride. Worth the bounce!"
I am not sure I would be a priest if I hadn't gotten filed for divorce. I'm not sure I'd be a good priest if I hadn't married my "current" husband. (OK I may not be a good priest even with Rob, but I know I'm better for having married him!) Leaving my home of 25 years and moving to Houston was one of the bigger speed bumps, and I still feel the bounce, still say "ouch" every so often, but man what a ride this is!
Actual speed bumps are meant to slow us down so we'll drive more safely. A good idea around schools for sure. Metaphorical speed bumps can sometimes slow us down, but more importantly I think they make us live intentionally. I don't know if struggle with this but I sort of "zone out" sometimes in my life. Just plug along. I know that's a luxury. If I were literally wondering where my next meal was coming from or wondering what the test results were going to reveal I wouldn't have this zone out luxury!
But these bumps in the road force me to pay closer attention, take some stock, be mindful of my next steps. And there is great blessing in that. I do not think God "arranges" speed bumps! Metaphorical or any other kind! I do think whether we try and avoid them or plow right over them God is there, guiding, cheering, sustaining. And if we take a tumble because the bump was slippery and high or we take a tumble because it turns out that little smooth part we thought would help us avoid the bump...wasn't a good idea at all, God is there too. Transforming all of our biking mishaps into something valuable and good. It is of course terribly hard to see that always.
Which is why it's so great to ride these metaphorical bikes with someone. I'm grateful for you my friends! I hope we can always ride these roads together. And whether we ride straight over the speed bumps or in between them, I ask God to hold us and accompany us on the journey.
Happy September! Rhoda
There have been many times that I've steered my bike carefully...too carefully perhaps to avoid the speed bumps. And I wonder what I've missed by doing that. Maybe I've missed a lot of heartache. Sometimes it's silly to aim your little bike right at some hurdle. But maybe I've missed some joy, some opportunity for growth some adventure.
Once in a while though I have aimed my little "bike" right at the speed bump full on, bounce! And ouch! But usually I can look back and say, "man that was worth the ride. Worth the bounce!"
I am not sure I would be a priest if I hadn't gotten filed for divorce. I'm not sure I'd be a good priest if I hadn't married my "current" husband. (OK I may not be a good priest even with Rob, but I know I'm better for having married him!) Leaving my home of 25 years and moving to Houston was one of the bigger speed bumps, and I still feel the bounce, still say "ouch" every so often, but man what a ride this is!
Actual speed bumps are meant to slow us down so we'll drive more safely. A good idea around schools for sure. Metaphorical speed bumps can sometimes slow us down, but more importantly I think they make us live intentionally. I don't know if struggle with this but I sort of "zone out" sometimes in my life. Just plug along. I know that's a luxury. If I were literally wondering where my next meal was coming from or wondering what the test results were going to reveal I wouldn't have this zone out luxury!
But these bumps in the road force me to pay closer attention, take some stock, be mindful of my next steps. And there is great blessing in that. I do not think God "arranges" speed bumps! Metaphorical or any other kind! I do think whether we try and avoid them or plow right over them God is there, guiding, cheering, sustaining. And if we take a tumble because the bump was slippery and high or we take a tumble because it turns out that little smooth part we thought would help us avoid the bump...wasn't a good idea at all, God is there too. Transforming all of our biking mishaps into something valuable and good. It is of course terribly hard to see that always.
Which is why it's so great to ride these metaphorical bikes with someone. I'm grateful for you my friends! I hope we can always ride these roads together. And whether we ride straight over the speed bumps or in between them, I ask God to hold us and accompany us on the journey.
Happy September! Rhoda
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
No honey, he was strange
You knew it had to happen. You aren't even safe here in my tiny little corner of the blogosphere. Yes. I'm going to talk about Michael Jackson! Well, actually I'm going to talk about one little part of his funeral. I danced my considerably smaller booty off during the 1980s to all of his big big hits. I have a soft spot in my heart for that era of Michael Jackson. But I was never willing to pay huge sums of money for concert tickets or sit out in the rain for a possible glimpse, and I feared that it was quite possible he was guilty of the horrible things he was accused of back a decade or so ago. I was, and still am a fan of his music and dancing, but that's about as far as it goes.
In all of the circus that surrounded...and still surrounds his death, the investigation, the all consuming news cycles, and the enormous funeral (?) I was most struck by something Al Sharpton said. I know he meant it to be comforting, but it reminded me of other bad funeral homilies/sermons/eulogies I've heard.
With tenderness he looked at the children and said, "many people will say your daddy was strange. But he wasn't" O honey. Yeah...he was...and he seems to have loved those children...in some way...and they seem to have loved him.
It just reminded me of some other funerals that I've been a part of where people didn't want to admit that the person who died had killed himself, or that she had been a really awful mother, or that there had been a drug addiction or whatever. I TOTALLY get that the pulpit at a funeral is not the place where you dredge up a long list of sins! I'm just saying that it is not helpful to lie either. Michael Jackson was off the charts talented and well..off the charts in other ways too.
All of that can be true at once. None of us is singularly one thing. The worst alcoholic was at some point something other than that. I don't just mean something sentimental either...like in one of those group exercises where you go around the room and say 1 nice thing about everyone. I just mean that each of us is multi layered, nuanced, broken, fabulous, sinful, and loved by God. It seems hard for us, perhaps especially with celebrities, but not just with celebrities, it just seems hard for us to avoid putting people in 1 category. That person is strange. That person is person is fabulous.
Who knows what I would have said if I had been part of the Jackson funeral extravaganza! I'd like to think that I would have said something that was truthful...even if that was difficult...because no matter how strange any of us is, God still loves us and still wants to be in relationship with us. And that is the truth too. Thanks be to God, Rhoda
In all of the circus that surrounded...and still surrounds his death, the investigation, the all consuming news cycles, and the enormous funeral (?) I was most struck by something Al Sharpton said. I know he meant it to be comforting, but it reminded me of other bad funeral homilies/sermons/eulogies I've heard.
With tenderness he looked at the children and said, "many people will say your daddy was strange. But he wasn't" O honey. Yeah...he was...and he seems to have loved those children...in some way...and they seem to have loved him.
It just reminded me of some other funerals that I've been a part of where people didn't want to admit that the person who died had killed himself, or that she had been a really awful mother, or that there had been a drug addiction or whatever. I TOTALLY get that the pulpit at a funeral is not the place where you dredge up a long list of sins! I'm just saying that it is not helpful to lie either. Michael Jackson was off the charts talented and well..off the charts in other ways too.
All of that can be true at once. None of us is singularly one thing. The worst alcoholic was at some point something other than that. I don't just mean something sentimental either...like in one of those group exercises where you go around the room and say 1 nice thing about everyone. I just mean that each of us is multi layered, nuanced, broken, fabulous, sinful, and loved by God. It seems hard for us, perhaps especially with celebrities, but not just with celebrities, it just seems hard for us to avoid putting people in 1 category. That person is strange. That person is person is fabulous.
Who knows what I would have said if I had been part of the Jackson funeral extravaganza! I'd like to think that I would have said something that was truthful...even if that was difficult...because no matter how strange any of us is, God still loves us and still wants to be in relationship with us. And that is the truth too. Thanks be to God, Rhoda
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Praying for Rain
As I write this today it is actually raining. So, you already know the punchline. But I've had these thoughts in my head for a long time, and am just now sitting down to write/type. Most of Texas is in a drought. Some parts are in an extreme/Steinbeck-ian Grapes of Wrath kind of drought. I have even taking to prayer. And for me that's a bit shocking!
I know for lots of you it's not out of the norm at all to pray for rain! Some of you reading this will be disappointed that a nice clergy girl doesn't pray regularly for rain. I struggle with prayer. In my classes I teach that prayer is about relationship. I didn't just make that up. Lots of smart people have talked about prayer and relationship for centuries. I think more recently Richard Roehr has written a lot about prayer in that way. Someone said that we are as good at praying as we are at the other relationships in our lives. I tried to find the source of that quote, but have not been successful. It will probably turn out that it was either in the back of a Cosmo magazine or the topic of some book I was supposed to have read for my D. Min!
The Episcopal Book of Common Prayer defines prayer as "responding to God, by thought and by deeds, with our without words." I love that! And not just because I'm on the ol' payroll. It makes everything prayer....our word prayers, our work on a Habitat for Humanity House, our singing, everything is about prayer, meaning everything is about relationship with God.
That's such a broader, deeper, richer, picture of prayer than simply asking for "stuff" from the Big Santa in the sky. And yet, when I see the parched earth, and I read about farmers going bankrupt because of the drought, and when my power steering went out on I -10 this week (!) I find myself praying the most basic prayer: help me Jesus! Please make it rain or Please don't let me die on I-10.
I suppose all of that, the prayer as relationship, and the help me Jesus get out of this mess prayers aren't mutually exclusive. I just wonder about the rest of those sentences. If it continues not to rain enough or if I had crashed my car on I10 does that mean that God did not answer my prayers? I don't think so. I think it means that I crashed my car on I10 and perhaps should have had that power steering looked at a few months ago when this problem started. I just don't know.
I absolutely believe that God "answers" our prayers...I'm just not always entirely sure what I mean by that. I can't help but draw on my 12 years as the live in manager of the Ronald McDonald House in Austin. In that time we averaged a child's death every 10 days. And there were LOTS of prayers, and I believe God heard every one of those prayers, and sometimes children died and sometimes children made shocking recoveries. And I can only look at that reality and take a deep breath, and, then, well, take another deep breath.
I can't get on board with the notion of a capricious God who "answers" some people's prayers and ignores others. And please don't give me that bumper sticker quote about God always answers our prayers it's just sometimes the answer is no. That's OK when we're talking about some things, but that does not suffice when we're talking about a child's life. Again, The Big Santa giving out stuff to "good" kids is not at all what the life, death and Resurrection of Jesus is about nor is that at all what prayer is about. I think prayer as relationship is part of all the major religions...though I might be wrong.
The anonymous quote I used above is a good one. (I'm really going to laugh if it does come from some goofy source...like a bumper sticker!) It reminds me that prayer, like the relationship I have with my husband and with my dear friends takes time and tending and a-tending. Those relationships involve us showing up in each other's lives and listening and sometimes arguing and sometimes being disappointed and sometimes being angry and sometimes being loving. Those relationships are not based solely on what those people can "do" for me or what I can "do" for them. The relationships are based on our mutual love, respect, and desire to be with each other even in the tough times even in the boring times.
So it's raining this afternoon, and my first thought is still Thank God. And I don't suppose that's a bad thought to have. Anything that makes us say Thank God is valuable. Is God making it rain because "enough" people asked for it? I don't know, I don't think so. I do think God cares about our parched earth and wants us to care about the parched earth. And anything that draws us deeper into relationship with God can be a good thing. But it might not rain again for days or a hurricane might come in 2 weeks and in all of that somewhere there's God eager to have relationship with us. And that eagerness thrills and scares me, and I still don't know what exactly to say about prayer. Thank God! Take care, Rhoda
I know for lots of you it's not out of the norm at all to pray for rain! Some of you reading this will be disappointed that a nice clergy girl doesn't pray regularly for rain. I struggle with prayer. In my classes I teach that prayer is about relationship. I didn't just make that up. Lots of smart people have talked about prayer and relationship for centuries. I think more recently Richard Roehr has written a lot about prayer in that way. Someone said that we are as good at praying as we are at the other relationships in our lives. I tried to find the source of that quote, but have not been successful. It will probably turn out that it was either in the back of a Cosmo magazine or the topic of some book I was supposed to have read for my D. Min!
The Episcopal Book of Common Prayer defines prayer as "responding to God, by thought and by deeds, with our without words." I love that! And not just because I'm on the ol' payroll. It makes everything prayer....our word prayers, our work on a Habitat for Humanity House, our singing, everything is about prayer, meaning everything is about relationship with God.
That's such a broader, deeper, richer, picture of prayer than simply asking for "stuff" from the Big Santa in the sky. And yet, when I see the parched earth, and I read about farmers going bankrupt because of the drought, and when my power steering went out on I -10 this week (!) I find myself praying the most basic prayer: help me Jesus! Please make it rain or Please don't let me die on I-10.
I suppose all of that, the prayer as relationship, and the help me Jesus get out of this mess prayers aren't mutually exclusive. I just wonder about the rest of those sentences. If it continues not to rain enough or if I had crashed my car on I10 does that mean that God did not answer my prayers? I don't think so. I think it means that I crashed my car on I10 and perhaps should have had that power steering looked at a few months ago when this problem started. I just don't know.
I absolutely believe that God "answers" our prayers...I'm just not always entirely sure what I mean by that. I can't help but draw on my 12 years as the live in manager of the Ronald McDonald House in Austin. In that time we averaged a child's death every 10 days. And there were LOTS of prayers, and I believe God heard every one of those prayers, and sometimes children died and sometimes children made shocking recoveries. And I can only look at that reality and take a deep breath, and, then, well, take another deep breath.
I can't get on board with the notion of a capricious God who "answers" some people's prayers and ignores others. And please don't give me that bumper sticker quote about God always answers our prayers it's just sometimes the answer is no. That's OK when we're talking about some things, but that does not suffice when we're talking about a child's life. Again, The Big Santa giving out stuff to "good" kids is not at all what the life, death and Resurrection of Jesus is about nor is that at all what prayer is about. I think prayer as relationship is part of all the major religions...though I might be wrong.
The anonymous quote I used above is a good one. (I'm really going to laugh if it does come from some goofy source...like a bumper sticker!) It reminds me that prayer, like the relationship I have with my husband and with my dear friends takes time and tending and a-tending. Those relationships involve us showing up in each other's lives and listening and sometimes arguing and sometimes being disappointed and sometimes being angry and sometimes being loving. Those relationships are not based solely on what those people can "do" for me or what I can "do" for them. The relationships are based on our mutual love, respect, and desire to be with each other even in the tough times even in the boring times.
So it's raining this afternoon, and my first thought is still Thank God. And I don't suppose that's a bad thought to have. Anything that makes us say Thank God is valuable. Is God making it rain because "enough" people asked for it? I don't know, I don't think so. I do think God cares about our parched earth and wants us to care about the parched earth. And anything that draws us deeper into relationship with God can be a good thing. But it might not rain again for days or a hurricane might come in 2 weeks and in all of that somewhere there's God eager to have relationship with us. And that eagerness thrills and scares me, and I still don't know what exactly to say about prayer. Thank God! Take care, Rhoda
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
